Good Enough

I am good enough.

I am good enough.

I am good enough.

I am more than good enough.

I am powerful.

I am loving.

I am kind.

I am gifted with a vision and a purpose.

I care.

I give.

I teach.

I love.

I am love.

I am good enough.

I looked like a boxer in there. I was composed and I controlled the fight.

I was good enough to step into the ring and I was good enough to get the win over a Samoan heavyweight from out west.

The amount of people who came and screamed my name wearing Herman’s Hands tees was so special. Thank you all. I felt the love.

After the fight, standing in the ring, I was handed a microphone and asked what the fight meant to me. All I could string together was something like: “I had this fight to face my anxiety. It’s a pretty big deal for me. It’s been really hard man. Yeah, it’s been hard man”.

I couldn’t get my words out. I wanted to express what the recent period of my life has been for me but nothing came out. I wanted to share that this fight is a small part of a bigger battle.

This is why I’m writing this now.

A battle that I am winning :)

The boxing fight was about facing myself. Facing the anxiety and emotions that I knew would come up in the weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds before the fight. And a lot came up. It was about stepping into my fears, stepping into discomfort and stepping into my power.

Fighting has to be one of the single most fear-inducing things you can put yourself into. It was necessary for me on my journey.

I am on a beautiful and painful emotional journey of healing and letting go after years of anxiety and self-sabotaging behaviour.

That’s really the crux of what I want to say here today. I don’t want to ramble on much more because I need to honour the gravity of this statement.

Those who’ve been following me will understand that experiencing this emotion is huge progress for me and a very positive thing.

I’ve been working real hard to understand my internal world and I have uncovered limiting beliefs that were imprinted on my subconscious mind by my upbringing and trauma.

My life is about challenging and changing these beliefs now as you may have gathered.

The belief ‘I’m not good enough’ has been present in me since about 4 hours after my dad took his own life in 2007. I was not good enough to save him.

This belief has manifested itself in my life in many ways. Mainly, it has caused me to act from a place of lack. This has meant over-giving and over-sharing because I’ve never been good enough for myself. While I have achieved a lot since 2007, this belief has created a void in me that I’ve constantly looked to fill with people and things external to my self. And I imagine I would have continued to try to fill it to no end if I hadn’t have put in the work to uncover it.

I will not be fighting in the ring again anytime soon, because, like I said, I am good enough. This is good enough. I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved. I feel calmer. I feel my heart opening more and I’m conscious of it closing less. I feel so much love coming at me. I feel grateful.

It’s time to cruise and enjoy that Bondi life.

Aside from boxing, I will continue to fight the faulty mechanisms inside of me that are driven by my limiting beliefs. I will change them. I am changing them. Shining light on my shadows. I will continue to fight to be better for myself and others.

If I can step into my fear, face myself and beat a large Polynesian man then I can step into just about anything and continue to face whatever comes up.

And like I keep saying: IF I CAN, YOU CAN TOO.

YOU are good enough.

Love Brenny x

Photos by Julia Wheeler and Hamish Humphreys