Featured Posts

This article is about support

Through all the articles on this blog I’ve attempted to share the process I’ve taken to free myself from the suffering associated with my dad’s death from suicide when I was 15.

I love you, subject to…

I haven’t written anything like this before.

Right now I’m experiencing my first real relationship and over the past year or so I’ve thought about love, relationships, emotions, people and the like a lot. Maybe a little too much… I recently had a couple of thoughts that I’m unsure about. Some of which randomly entered my mind while I was daydreaming during a post-gym shower. I’d like to share them and see what you think.

When in Turkey

I took my lady to Istanbul, Turkey for New Years 2014/15 and put this crappy little video together of some of the experiences we had together.

We patted lots of beautiful stray dogs and cats, ate about 70 kebabs and at one point I almost cried.

Adversity is preparation for greatness


Mid 2014 – I was at the gym when a colleague told me that a scrawny Asian dude came in and said he has a fight scheduled for a year’s time at a Casino in none other than Las Vegas and he needs to learn how to box.

I chuckled.

Finding the light

Brendan McDonnellPage 40 & 41 of FIRST Magazine Malta, July 2015 Edition

I’m not sure if I’m allowed to repost this, but here we go. This is an article about my blog and my life here in Malta written in FIRST Magazine which comes free in the Malta Independent Newspaper. It’s no cover of Rolling Stone but I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of something. I feel like I’ve done some sort of justice –  the least I could do for my dad. Have a read and share it with your mum.

Do things and open your mind

Brendan McDonnellMid-week adventure to Mtahleb Ravine, Malta

We’re all simply taking steps to open our minds and find happiness, aren’t we?

If so, here are 5 small steps that may or may not get you a little closer to it.

My hope is that this article might raise your awareness slightly and give you what you need to better answer the six questions I presented in my previous post.

Six questions that helped clarify my purpose.

Brendan McDonnellDouble Shaka Mellieha Bay, Malta 2015.

First of all, please excuse the cliché title. Secondly, I’d like to assume that the posts I’ve shared so far stand-alone. But as you may have noticed, they lead on from one another. So onwards, having shared some of the deepest, darkest parts of myself, I think you know enough about me for me to begin explaining the steps I’ve taken to get to this point in my life. In doing, hopefully I can show you steps that you may be able take to help you grow too.

Never underestimate the power of the written word.

Brendan McDonnellMy office: ‘Base’, Spinola Bay, Malta.

I’m not the songbird of our generation I’m just a kid who’s been writing in his journal for a couple of years. Anyway, I feel quite a weight off my shoulders having shared my first two pieces of writing. I actually wrote them quite a while ago but I’ve only just felt ready to share them. I have had an overwhelming response so far it’s amazing. I’m not sure how long I can keep up the profoundly moving, ‘from the heart’ blog posts but I’ll do my best haha.

This post may not be as heavy as my first two, but I think it contains valuable insights that I need to share to illustrate some of the points I’ve made so far. I am sharing exactly what I wrote in my first journal in 2008 and 2009.

The suicide letter my father left behind. Addressed to me.

Brendan McDonnellMy dad’s arm resting on my head. My 12th birthday, 2004.

My mother found this letter in an A4 graphed notebook underneath my dad’s side of their bed a few days after he committed suicide. She very hesitantly handed it over to me not long after. I can’t imagine the feelings she was experiencing.

The first recollection of the day I found my dad’s dead body.

Brendan McDonnell.comMy dad circa 1983. Age 19 or 20. His powerful self, the way I remember him in my mind.

This is something I hold very close so I’d like to provide some context and clarify a few things. Only 3 people have read it until now. It isn’t eloquently written or by any means a masterpiece of modern literature, but I think it is relatively new information. It is the start of a boy’s process of overcoming his father’s suicide. It is the first ever recollection of the day I found my dad’s dead body exactly as it was written in my journal word for word. I am not sharing this to victimise myself or make anyone sad. I am not sad. I am happy. The point is, if I never had have recalled the day I found my dad’s dead body I wouldn’t be happy.